My high school days will notably be rather useless in telling my life story. As an old man there will be little to tell my grandchildren, save for a few small roses of love. What seems to be at least mentionable in a confession booth was something that still plagues me, albeit to a lesser degree.
Its a serpent, used to lash out against those we dislike, disapprove of; condemnation. Walking through the halls people were subject to such a high degree of scrutiny that it suppresses me I had friends at all. Sadly a few actually set hostility against me, as I would make it obvious little care was given to them. The subjects of this wretched behavior varied but were bound by a few common spirits. They were kids using drugs, disobedient students, leftists, advocates of adverse beliefs, and, what hurts me the most to recall, simply folks whose personalities annoyed me. Most of it was directed at popular people, perhaps a reaction to my reclusive nature at the time.
Some will read this confession and become upset while others will think I was right and upstanding, save for the last category. Before I am held as saint or sinner let's look as to why I believed so. Growing up in small churches, two of which in the South, there was an obvious distinction between Us (Christians) and Them (non-Christians, particular sexual deviants, drug users, etc.) However as a child my relationships were with people like this. The first girl I kissed, for example, was not the likely candidate for church membership. My brother's friends all would fall into the "Them" category. As for myself, my views probaly formed because I had little guidance in understanding that the "them" were no different than myself, not really anyways. While I believe God recreates us, we are still human, the same DNA in us exists in that of others. But I wasn't seeing that. I took words like "bad company corrupts good character" to mean "stay away from these people altogether!" But what of Paul saying "I become all things to all people" and Jesus' own example of seeking out those of lesser repute? Those were simply ignored.
A true but sad example exists in my life. See it below.
My grandmother is a kind woman. Loving Jesus intensely and loving people, she serves a nice relentless despite her human faults. When I was in the fifth grade, she befriended two young girls. Coming from broken homes and downtrodden neihborhoods it was picturesque of my grandmother. We all had lunches together, they came to our home, spent time with my grandma, and attended church. It was like watching Jesus.
However, not everyone approved. At this small Oklahoma church rumors began to glisten, murmurs stirred, and people stared. Who could blame them? These were rather upstanding people, Christian people! It was just crude for these two "sluts" and "worldly" girls to come into "our" church. I could imagine their reactions to me spending time with them, a young impressionable kid. To be honest, I did grow a crush on, I think, Elizabeth. My memory of names is surpassed by their faces, so give me some grace. She being older than I proved a defining 'no' but nonetheless, we all enjoyed each other.
What happened to these girls? I'm not entirely sure. If I recall correctly, "Elizabeth" is married, did so a while back. I heard something bad happened to the other one. Not sure what as it is customary to share those stories with kids.
I'd like to imagine what might have happened if things had been different. What if the church embraced these two kids, invited them to their homes, and became their friends? I'm not saying this automatically causes one to believe in Jesus, but does it really, from our perspective, matter? The commandment is "Love your neighbor as yourself" or in my own language, "put others on the same value system you put yourself." Its not our duty to "win souls for God" but to love.
Sadly, we get in our own way. Its an easy thing to do. Picture yourself better than someone. There, you've made the first step. But wasn't it Jesus who said "Don't judge until you've looked at yourself (paraphrase.)" I remember my response to that, "I did look at myself, so I'm good right?" If a man can say this and not be moved to compassion for others, I doubt his sincerity. It is a humbling experience to look at ourselves, at least it should be. While I loudly exclaim we do not devalue our lives we should not elevate them beyond their deserve.
Perhaps one day a few of us will be sitting in our car, driving down US 60. We all know what to expect when the turn off comes. There stands a man, with his disheveled and filthy clothes, looking at us (or not) with a sign simply asking for food. Maybe we'll stop living in ourselves; maybe we'll roll down the window and help him. We'll stop holding signs in front of weddings to humbly tell people of our love for Jesus, that his burden is light and a rest for the weary.
"My father, my dad, please give us hearts for our neighbors. That we see them not as charity but humans; not enemies but your creation. In the face of hate, teach us to love. Move our hands to feed and our feet to run! My loving father, my strong father, also reconcile our hearts with each other. Break down our petty differences; make us your kids."
